My daughter swore at me today. Now, I’m not sure if she was actually using the word (it was bitch, by the way) or if she was trying to say something else and thats what my head decided to think my ears heard, but it got me thinking none the less.
Karsten being a badass that doesn’t have to follow any mommy’s rules.
Before now, I had never really even considered adopting a filter when it came to things I said around her because she was “too young”. She used to be just a little lump in a baby chair, but now she’s a walking sponge. She watches and attempts to replicate almost everything that I do and I LOVED it until she called her teddy a bitch this morning when she tossed him into her Paw Patrol ball pit. She’s a smart kid. I know everyone says they have a smart baby, but I firmly believe she’s going to be a rocket scientist or a judge one day. She has moxie, this kid. She loves repeating words back to you, and her vocabulary (for a 17 month old) is HUGE. But, that being said, how do you tell a toddler that its a bad word when she hears it all the time (I have a potty mouth.. what can I say)? “Mommy and dada say it, so it must be fair game.” Maybe it’s time to actually start reading all those mom books and GOOD parenting blogs that everyone has been raving about. OR just use safe words like “fudge” and “dangit”. I guess I won’t be bitching about anything anymore… i’ll be b***hing. 🙂
Last night, when I was putting my little munchkin to bed, I started to think about all the friends I had lost over the last couple years. My friend group which once held around 15 people, has dwindled to 4… and 2 of them don’t technically count as friends because they’re my future brother-in-law and his fiancé.. so 2 people. 2 solid friends. One I see MUCH more than the other, and I think thats because the second is slowly moving away from me too. This may sound like a sad “I’m so lonely FEEL BAD FOR ME” kind of post, but it isn’t. I’m happy its as small as it is now. That little circle of people I can “depend” on has turned into a teeny tiny little dot of humans that actually CARE ABOUT ME! It’s a weird feeling to know that you don’t have a lot of people watching your back, but you’ve never been happier, because the ones that you DO have left over, will care for you like an actual family group.. which, again, is funny because 2 of them have no choice but to take care of me like that because they ARE family.
Karsten not wanting to be my friend either.. 😦
When you have kids, you’ll lose friends. Thats a given. People (especially people my age) will start to lose interest in you because you can’t just drop everything and go and party with them. They don’t have bedtimes. They don’t have to be up at 6:00am every morning because a little human sneaks up to the bed to surprise them (and by that I mean scare the absolute shit out of you) and thats okay. Having responsibility is amazing. It makes you feel like you can handle your shit (key words being “feel like”). I know how to do laundry for 3 people in one day. I know how to make supper and stop a tiny person from killing herself. Those are the skills I wouldn’t trade for fake ass friends. Because I know for sure that a lot of the people I don’t even consider acquaintances anymore, let alone friends, can’t even keep their shit together for an hour without asking themselves why they wanted to become an “adult” in the first place. BUT, all that being said, I’m starting to want to branch out. Join a mommy group and have people in my life that know what I’m going through and can have a laugh with me as well. Other. Parents.
So, as I sit here and flip through the activity book for my area that my mom so GRACIOUSLY bestowed upon me (my mom thinks I’m a hermit) I’m going to make another commitment to make some GD friends. Or at least try… I do bitch about a lot of stuff, you know. 😉
Today… I started a blog. I mean, of course I did other things… I got the baby up, changed her diaper, fed her, and said “no” more times than I can even count. But the blog is important too.
My fiancé talked me into it. Well, he didn’t “talk me into it” per say, but I was obviously reluctant. It’s nice to think people will read this and care what I have to say, but most likely, it will be my mom, my fiancé, and maybe my friends. I think if my daughter could use the internet for more than Paw Patrol and Chuggington she would read it too, considering she’s probably going to be the central topic for a lot of my posts, but alas she is 16 months old, and doesn’t give a shit. Typical young girl. Thinking the world revolves around her.. well, my world does. I love her to pieces.. which is why I started this blog thing. Why we’re here. Why you’re here right now reading this. Because the internet is obsessed with what other people are doing. I know I am. I can sit for an hour and just rotate between Youtube videos of other people just living their normal, everyday lives. It’s actually kind of gross how much of my daughters nap time is just sitting on the couch watching other people live. I could be living. And thats what the purpose of this blog is. To make myself live. To give advice and talk about my experiences to people, like me, that might be fighting the same battles. To get out, take notes, and complain. Probably lots of complaining… because thats what I do best. That, and getting heated about things that don’t rEEEEally have anything to do with me… but I read/listened to it happen so I’M DAMN WELL GOING TO HAVE AN OPINION.
So here it is. The first post. The final nail in the coffin of my commitment to make myself better and GET OUT AND LIVE. And to bitch. Always bitch.